How to Overcome Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

From time to time we all experience feelings of being not good enough. In the right doses, this can be good for us as it pushes us toward self-improvement and development. When we live our lives knowing we can do better and be better we encourage ourselves to learn and relearn to grow. The feeling of inadequacy becomes a problem when all someone thinks of themselves when it becomes their default way of looking at themselves and their abilities.

Those who struggle with feelings of not being good enough find it difficult to see any positive attributes and therefore can struggle with low self-esteem, which can have negative impacts on their relationships, work, and quality of life.

Factors that Contribute to Feeling “Not Good Enough”

The reasons why people struggle with feeling not good enough can be deeply personal and vary from person to person. Even though this is a complex issue that people struggle with, some common factors have been seen to contribute to feelings of inadequacy:

Trauma and abuse

Whether people experience trauma and or abuse when young or as adults, feelings of shame and inadequacy usually follow. Survivors of abuse usually carry the shame of what happened to them and without help, these feelings can permeate into how they view themselves and make them struggle to love themselves.

Perfectionism

People who struggle with perfectionism have a hard time seeing themselves as worthy and good enough even when they are good enough. Their unrealistic and unattainable expectations make them stay in this cycle of self-loathing.

Shame

Shame can be a result of many things. It can arise from failure, sin, rejection or not living up to certain societal standards. Shame, unlike guilt, is not temporarily feeling bad because you have done something wrong, but it makes the person believe that they are deficient in some way because of what they have done or what they lack. This leads a lot of people to feel like they are not good enough.

Unrealistic expectations

Expectations are all around us. Whether from society, family, friends, the church, or work colleagues, we are constantly being told we need to be a certain person for us to be loved and or valued. Not all of us can attain certain standards because we are all different and society never considers that. Because of this, people crumble under the weight of trying to achieve certain goals to feel worthy.

Unfair comparisons

When people compare themselves to their peers or family members, they never take into consideration the many aspects that contribute to reaching different levels of achievements or quality of life. We are all different and failing to consider this difference leads people to feel that they are not good enough because they are constantly measuring themselves against others. These unfair comparisons are made worse by social media.

Negative self-talk

Our core beliefs about our identity are a result of years of conditioning which can be problematic if we believe we will never be good enough. Negative self-talk is when a person fails to find anything praiseworthy about who they are and what they do. They minimize their achievements and magnify their failures.

How to overcome feeling “not good enough”

Sometimes when a person has not felt good enough for a long time it might seem impossible for them to fathom that they can live their lives differently. It most times becomes a part of their identity and dismantling it can be hard.

That being said, a different life awaits people who are willing to put in the work. It starts with recognizing that it is a problem and has been a pattern. This way they will be in a space to try and understand the causes.

This process might need the help of a mental health professional, a trusted friend, or a family member. They can shine some light on some unhelpful behaviors and thought patterns. Self-compassion is important when rebuilding one’s image and trying to boost their self-esteem. This means that you are compassionate in how you look at your failures and disappointments, allowing you to bounce back.

Another way one can stop feelings of inadequacy is by having boundaries in relationships. Boundaries protect us from the unrealistic expectations of others. It also means we do not over-extend ourselves beyond our abilities. Having boundaries also means you can stand up for yourself when confronted with guilt feelings. Boundaries also mean you carve out time for self-care without guilt.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support

Life can be challenging when you constantly feel that you’re not good enough or deserving of the abundant opportunities it offers. We are created equal and deserve to live fulfilling lives. If you want help with understanding your feelings and building the life you deserve, reach out to us at Heath Christian Counseling today. We have compassionate counselors and therapists in Heath, Texas who are ready to help.