What is Grief Counseling and How Can It Help?

The loss of a loved one can be a painful, lonely, and sometimes complicated journey. It is normal to experience days or even weeks of disorientation, hurt, and loss after someone we love is no longer with us. This time of bereavement is expected and may require grief counseling.

Grief unfortunately can sometimes take longer than normal, be more intense in certain areas, and leave those going through it unable to function. The reasons for this can be rooted in the person’s age, personality, mental health, cultural expectations, and the absence of social support. It is for this reason someone might consider going to grief counseling.

Grief counseling provides an empathetic space that allows those that are grieving an avenue to discuss their emotions, thoughts, and questions without judgment. They also come to seek an understanding of the grief process itself. Education from grief counselors is aimed at validating their experiences and giving words and meaning to what they might be going through.

The four tasks of grieving

When someone goes for grief counseling, the counselor will use different techniques to help the client adjust to life after the loss. Most of us a familiar with the five stages of grief that were proposed by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, which are shock, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. The premise of these stages is that we will go through all of this in the aftermath of losing someone or something dear to us. All of this is normal, though it might not be linear in their experience.

Another useful framework for grief was proposed by psychiatrist William Worden. It is called the Four Tasks of Grief or the Four Tasks of Mourning. This guide’s aim is to help individuals understand the tasks that lie ahead as they navigate the loss of their loved one, find healing and try to adjust to their new normal. Below are the tasks.

Task 1 – To accept the reality of the loss.

After experiencing a major loss, it is normal for most of us to go through a time of denial. Accepting the full weight of this reality can be hard so in this way, our body and mind are given a chance to slowly come to terms with what just happened. However, after a time, acceptance of what has transpired is needed for the process of healing to start. This task involves finally confronting denial and acknowledging the loss.

Task 2 – Experience the pain of the loss.

Grief brings a wide range of painful emotions that must be felt and processed. Sometimes people might try to numb these feelings for a season. But a time will come when the pain must be felt. The catharsis that comes with it helps in the healing process. Experiencing the pain might involve finally crying, breaking down, expressing anger, guilt, shame, or deep sadness.

This can be done with a counselor, trusted friend, or family member, or alone. One can journal, write a song, paint, travel or seek solace, and do whatever it takes to feel a deep hurt so that healing can find its way. We heal through the pain.

Task 3 – Adjust to the new environment without the person who was lost.

Loss comes with many adjustments. Everything changes for those left behind, be it in their identity, income, social standing, roles, and relationships. This task is aimed at helping those who are grieving make practical choices about how they will start living their new normal. Giving them support in navigating all these adjustments.

Life is never the same after loss. But that does not mean people should be stuck and not move on. This task is there to aid in making all these adjustments bearable. It also helps those that are grieving deal with the guilt that can be accompanied by moving on and enjoying life once more.

Task 4 – Reinvest in the new reality.

In this task, the proposed aim is to honor the memory of what was lost by keeping some form of connection. In the case of someone that has passed away, this can mean examining the relationship you had with them and what your life gained by having them in your life. Having them still live in your memories while you take steps toward moving on can be healing and keeps their legacy alive. Ways of doing this can be different for people but this might be starting a charity in their name, performing remembrance rituals as a family, either on their birthday or the day they passed one.

Christian grief counseling

If you have experienced deep loss and you are looking for someone to help you make sense of it all and guide you in rebuilding your life, please get in touch with our offices. We have trained grief counselors that will provide you with a safe space to process, and education to give you tools for coping and support as you navigate this new season.